Saturday, January 31, 2004
HERE IS MY TOP TEN OF 2003 (still a work in progress):
10. The Secret Lives of Dentists (dir. Alan Rudolph)
9. Kill Bill: Volume One (dir. Quentin Tarantino)
8. Mystic River (dir. Clint Eastwood)
7. In America (dir. Jim Sheridan)
6. Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (dir. Peter Weir)
5. School of Rock (dir. Richard Linklator)
4. Lost in Translation (dir. Sophia Coppola)
3. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (dir. Peter Jackson)
2. Monster (dir. Patty Jenkins)
1. American Splendor (dir. Shari Springer Berman, Robert Pulcini)
Special Mentions (in no particular order): The Cooler, A Mighty Wind, The Italian Job, Out of Time, Finding Nemo, Nowhere in Africa, X-2: X-Men United, Stuck on You, Freaky Friday, 28 Days Later
Worst Films: Cold Mountain, 21 Grams, Matrix Reloaded, Anger Management, Bringing Down the House, Bad Boys II, Gigli
Worst Film of the Year: Irreversible
10. The Secret Lives of Dentists (dir. Alan Rudolph)
9. Kill Bill: Volume One (dir. Quentin Tarantino)
8. Mystic River (dir. Clint Eastwood)
7. In America (dir. Jim Sheridan)
6. Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (dir. Peter Weir)
5. School of Rock (dir. Richard Linklator)
4. Lost in Translation (dir. Sophia Coppola)
3. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (dir. Peter Jackson)
2. Monster (dir. Patty Jenkins)
1. American Splendor (dir. Shari Springer Berman, Robert Pulcini)
Special Mentions (in no particular order): The Cooler, A Mighty Wind, The Italian Job, Out of Time, Finding Nemo, Nowhere in Africa, X-2: X-Men United, Stuck on You, Freaky Friday, 28 Days Later
Worst Films: Cold Mountain, 21 Grams, Matrix Reloaded, Anger Management, Bringing Down the House, Bad Boys II, Gigli
Worst Film of the Year: Irreversible
Sunday, January 18, 2004
Now, it's time for some brief movie reviews, courtesy of Cheap Tickets, Inc., The Best Kept Secret in Travel:
COLD MOUNTAIN: This is the most blatant case of Oscar baiting I've ever seen from Harvey Weinstein. Remember when Miramax was a consistant diversion from the Hollywood mainstream? Now they're churning out the same derivative, phony bullshit we've seen for decades. Well, like everything else wrong with this country, I blame the Bush administration.
21 GRAMS: After I saw this movie, I immediately craved a chocolate bar...laced with cyanide.
BIG FISH: Well-made, well-acted, highly watchable, ultimately forgettable. I miss Tim Burton.
IN AMERICA: A very personal film from Jim Sheridan, about an Irish family immigrating to America. Good stuff.
LOST IN TRANSLATION: Subtle, restrained, and effortless. Bill Murray does some remarkable work, and the soundtrack is brilliant.
GIGGLY: Martin Brest's fiasco about Ben Affleck converting lesbians. I blame the Bush administration.
COLD MOUNTAIN: This is the most blatant case of Oscar baiting I've ever seen from Harvey Weinstein. Remember when Miramax was a consistant diversion from the Hollywood mainstream? Now they're churning out the same derivative, phony bullshit we've seen for decades. Well, like everything else wrong with this country, I blame the Bush administration.
21 GRAMS: After I saw this movie, I immediately craved a chocolate bar...laced with cyanide.
BIG FISH: Well-made, well-acted, highly watchable, ultimately forgettable. I miss Tim Burton.
IN AMERICA: A very personal film from Jim Sheridan, about an Irish family immigrating to America. Good stuff.
LOST IN TRANSLATION: Subtle, restrained, and effortless. Bill Murray does some remarkable work, and the soundtrack is brilliant.
GIGGLY: Martin Brest's fiasco about Ben Affleck converting lesbians. I blame the Bush administration.
Saturday, January 17, 2004
It's been a long time coming, gang, but the wait is finally over! I'm back, revitalized, and ready to tackle the issues that concern all of us Americans. The war in Arabia, global warning, and the upcoming votes are just very important. These kinds of issues are not cool. And should be fixed. We as Americans should really do something about these issues. They're issues and we should do something about it.
Now.
Anyway. How are you folks doing these days?
Email me, and tell me how're you doing. And then, I'll email you back, and tell you how I'm doing. Describing how each other is doing is a great conversation starter, which could lead to many wonderful things. Example:
"How're you doing?"
"Good, good. How're you doing?"
"Not bad. Not bad."
"So, what do you think about the upcoming votes?"
"They're very important."
"Yeah. They're not cool at all."
If you want to learn more about how to engage in an intellegent conversation, read my book, "Various Conversation Tactics and You", a bestseller in 1981. It was a rough period in my life. However, by the grace of God, I got through it, and the generous souls at Simon & Schuster were most supportive. I want to thank my family, as well. Without them, I wouldn't have a family.
Anyway, I'll have more here pretty soon about the war in Iran. Stay tuned...
Now.
Anyway. How are you folks doing these days?
Email me, and tell me how're you doing. And then, I'll email you back, and tell you how I'm doing. Describing how each other is doing is a great conversation starter, which could lead to many wonderful things. Example:
"How're you doing?"
"Good, good. How're you doing?"
"Not bad. Not bad."
"So, what do you think about the upcoming votes?"
"They're very important."
"Yeah. They're not cool at all."
If you want to learn more about how to engage in an intellegent conversation, read my book, "Various Conversation Tactics and You", a bestseller in 1981. It was a rough period in my life. However, by the grace of God, I got through it, and the generous souls at Simon & Schuster were most supportive. I want to thank my family, as well. Without them, I wouldn't have a family.
Anyway, I'll have more here pretty soon about the war in Iran. Stay tuned...
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
SECOND INTERVIEW WITH ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER:
ROBERT: Hello, Governor.
ARNOLD: Hallo.
ROBERT: How are things going?
ARNOLD: I am guhvenah.
ROBERT: I know. Congratulations.
ARNOLD: Thank you.
ROBERT: So...you're governor now. What next?
ARNOLD: Prezeedent.
ROBERT: President?
ARNOLD: Yes. Zen zah world!
ROBERT: No. I meant, what are you going to do as governor of California.
ARNOLD: Hasta la vista higher taxes.
ROBERT: Oh? Anything else?
ARNOLD: I'll be back.
ROBERT: That makes no sense, Arnold.
ARNOLD: I vill termeenate property taxes.
ROBERT: Oh...but don't you think we need some taxes in order to balance the budget?
ARNOLD: I vill termeenate budget planning.
ROBERT: Oh. So no budget planning?
ARNOLD: None.
ROBERT: You're just going to wing it?
ARNOLD: No.
ROBERT: So, what are you going to do?
ARNOLD: Vatch Termeenatah Three.
ROBERT: Yes, yes. But I'm talking about your agenda as governor.
ARNOLD: Can I touch your breasts?
ROBERT: I don't have breasts.
(Arnold tries to grope Robert)
ROBERT: Arnold, stop it.
ARNOLD: (tears welling up in his eyes) I can't stop.....
ROBERT: Oh. I'm sorry, Arnold.
(Arnold hangs his head in shame)
ROBERT: Maybe you should get some help.
ARNOLD: (sniffling) Grope more breasts?
ROBERT: No! I mean, help you with this impulsive groping and fondling of poor, unsuspecting women.
ARNOLD: I know.
ROBERT: Should I set you up with a councelor?
ARNOLD: Will she have breasts?
ROBERT: A guy councelor...
ARNOLD: Will he have breasts?
ROBERT: Arnold! You gotta stop it!
ARNOLD: I know. I know...
ROBERT: Is it just breasts you like? Does it matter what gender?
ARNOLD: No. Ah just like touching soft theeengs... evah seeence ah vas a little keed, I touch soft theengs....
Then the tape recorder jammed up, finishing the interview...
Actually, I stopped writing this mock-interview because it isn't funny...at all.
Sorry for wasting your time....
ROBERT: Hello, Governor.
ARNOLD: Hallo.
ROBERT: How are things going?
ARNOLD: I am guhvenah.
ROBERT: I know. Congratulations.
ARNOLD: Thank you.
ROBERT: So...you're governor now. What next?
ARNOLD: Prezeedent.
ROBERT: President?
ARNOLD: Yes. Zen zah world!
ROBERT: No. I meant, what are you going to do as governor of California.
ARNOLD: Hasta la vista higher taxes.
ROBERT: Oh? Anything else?
ARNOLD: I'll be back.
ROBERT: That makes no sense, Arnold.
ARNOLD: I vill termeenate property taxes.
ROBERT: Oh...but don't you think we need some taxes in order to balance the budget?
ARNOLD: I vill termeenate budget planning.
ROBERT: Oh. So no budget planning?
ARNOLD: None.
ROBERT: You're just going to wing it?
ARNOLD: No.
ROBERT: So, what are you going to do?
ARNOLD: Vatch Termeenatah Three.
ROBERT: Yes, yes. But I'm talking about your agenda as governor.
ARNOLD: Can I touch your breasts?
ROBERT: I don't have breasts.
(Arnold tries to grope Robert)
ROBERT: Arnold, stop it.
ARNOLD: (tears welling up in his eyes) I can't stop.....
ROBERT: Oh. I'm sorry, Arnold.
(Arnold hangs his head in shame)
ROBERT: Maybe you should get some help.
ARNOLD: (sniffling) Grope more breasts?
ROBERT: No! I mean, help you with this impulsive groping and fondling of poor, unsuspecting women.
ARNOLD: I know.
ROBERT: Should I set you up with a councelor?
ARNOLD: Will she have breasts?
ROBERT: A guy councelor...
ARNOLD: Will he have breasts?
ROBERT: Arnold! You gotta stop it!
ARNOLD: I know. I know...
ROBERT: Is it just breasts you like? Does it matter what gender?
ARNOLD: No. Ah just like touching soft theeengs... evah seeence ah vas a little keed, I touch soft theengs....
Then the tape recorder jammed up, finishing the interview...
Actually, I stopped writing this mock-interview because it isn't funny...at all.
Sorry for wasting your time....
Monday, September 22, 2003
THINGS THAT ARE CREEPY:
Paul Schrader's "Auto Focus"
The Murder of Bob Crane Documentary on the "Auto Focus" DVD
Willem Dafoe
Camera Tripods
"Hogan's Heroes"
Antique Video Cameras
Personal Photo Albums of Naked Girls
70's Disney Movies (that star Bob Crane)
Bob Crane
Old, Antique VCRs
Dinner Theater
John Carpenter
The 70's (in general)
Promiscuous, Clinical, Joyless Sex
Strip Clubs That Feature a Jazz Band
Jerking Off To Home Videos that Feature You Having Sex
Black and White Home Video
Comical Nazis
Sorry, I had to get this off my chest. "Auto Focus" offers us such a shallow, unsympathetic view of Bob Crane (the infamous actor from TV's "Hogan's Heroes"), that I'm still feeling a little disturbed...and queasy. And if you ever rent or purchase the DVD, do yourself a favor: don't watch the Goddamn "Murder at Scottsdale" documentary (which showcases, for all our amusement, archival footage of Bob Crane's dead body), unless you're accompanied by a few people. I had the misfortune of watching the Goddamn thing by myself...at 1:30 in the morning. In the dark...
Very traumatic.
Anyway, the movie itself is still worth seeing. Greg Kinnear is quite good at capturing the amiability of Bob Crane, as well as his obliviousness. Willem Dafoe (as John carpenter, Bob Crane's longtime associate) is the one to watch, however. He's creepy, yes...but oddly touching.
As Bob Crane's life spirals out of control, Paul Schrader (the director) succumbs to hackneyed movie gimmicks (hand-held camera, desaturated colors, altered film stock) as an obvious contrast to the bright-colored palette from the picture's first two-thirds.
Pretty unexceptional, but "Auto Focus", for better or worse, sticks in the mind.
Also, watch "Punch-Drunk Love" again. It is strange, beautiful, and moving. Adam Sandler is amazing to watch.
Alright, I'm gone.
Later...
Robert
Paul Schrader's "Auto Focus"
The Murder of Bob Crane Documentary on the "Auto Focus" DVD
Willem Dafoe
Camera Tripods
"Hogan's Heroes"
Antique Video Cameras
Personal Photo Albums of Naked Girls
70's Disney Movies (that star Bob Crane)
Bob Crane
Old, Antique VCRs
Dinner Theater
John Carpenter
The 70's (in general)
Promiscuous, Clinical, Joyless Sex
Strip Clubs That Feature a Jazz Band
Jerking Off To Home Videos that Feature You Having Sex
Black and White Home Video
Comical Nazis
Sorry, I had to get this off my chest. "Auto Focus" offers us such a shallow, unsympathetic view of Bob Crane (the infamous actor from TV's "Hogan's Heroes"), that I'm still feeling a little disturbed...and queasy. And if you ever rent or purchase the DVD, do yourself a favor: don't watch the Goddamn "Murder at Scottsdale" documentary (which showcases, for all our amusement, archival footage of Bob Crane's dead body), unless you're accompanied by a few people. I had the misfortune of watching the Goddamn thing by myself...at 1:30 in the morning. In the dark...
Very traumatic.
Anyway, the movie itself is still worth seeing. Greg Kinnear is quite good at capturing the amiability of Bob Crane, as well as his obliviousness. Willem Dafoe (as John carpenter, Bob Crane's longtime associate) is the one to watch, however. He's creepy, yes...but oddly touching.
As Bob Crane's life spirals out of control, Paul Schrader (the director) succumbs to hackneyed movie gimmicks (hand-held camera, desaturated colors, altered film stock) as an obvious contrast to the bright-colored palette from the picture's first two-thirds.
Pretty unexceptional, but "Auto Focus", for better or worse, sticks in the mind.
Also, watch "Punch-Drunk Love" again. It is strange, beautiful, and moving. Adam Sandler is amazing to watch.
Alright, I'm gone.
Later...
Robert
Thursday, September 04, 2003
THE TWO TOWERS REVIEW
The 2 tours was good but long. too much talk not alot of action. i like the part were the miget kills the dwarfs. the ending is stopid. the fight scene at the end is good and I like the part with the ring. The migets are cool. this movie is good so much that it is better than the first one. Fruto is a cool actor. this movie rocked!!!
The 2 tours was good but long. too much talk not alot of action. i like the part were the miget kills the dwarfs. the ending is stopid. the fight scene at the end is good and I like the part with the ring. The migets are cool. this movie is good so much that it is better than the first one. Fruto is a cool actor. this movie rocked!!!
Saturday, August 30, 2003
THE 25TH HOUR REVIEW
spike Lee's good movie about the two tours that was used to be in New York is very good. Evryone is good in it. The actors are good too. I used to not like Spike Lee, but I like him now. Good violence in it, too. That guy from Stephen Speilberg's movie is good too in 25 Hours hes good in it. I dont like movies with white people that want to be black, but here it is very good. The movie was too long, and I almsot fell asleep the ending was stupid. This movies stupid.
spike Lee's good movie about the two tours that was used to be in New York is very good. Evryone is good in it. The actors are good too. I used to not like Spike Lee, but I like him now. Good violence in it, too. That guy from Stephen Speilberg's movie is good too in 25 Hours hes good in it. I dont like movies with white people that want to be black, but here it is very good. The movie was too long, and I almsot fell asleep the ending was stupid. This movies stupid.
